Time To Reflect

I have been back from Chicago for a little under a week. That is more than enough time for me to reflect on why I went up North. I have realized so much about my life and life in general. I want to share this with you.

I learned a lot about my Nana, and about the type of person she was and still is in the hearts of her family. I want my children and my family to say the types of things that were said at her memorial. I am so sorry that I wasn't able to be as close to her living wise to see her on a more regular basis because my cousins who were spoke so many heartfelt things about her that I was sad I lost that connection with her.

I realized that life is precious, I knew that before but it just hit me. You need to live and not just exsist. By that I mean I have taken a really good look at my own life, and in doing so realize that I have given up on or passed up on some great things. Maybe it is my mid-life crisis, or I should say wake up call, but I miss family. I do have my family here that consists of my mother, 2 sisters and brother but I miss the bigger family I had growing up.

I was thrilled that I got to see my cousins, I got to know one a lot better than before, laughed with the rest and had our fun while remembering my Nana. She would have been so proud of us all.

I realized I missed my Dad and my Step-Mom alot more than I allowed myself to think about. Seeing them just drew it out more. I learned that my awesome family can put away some wine!!! And I learned that I loved trying a new beer. I can now say I went up North and had a Fat Squirrel (and now want more)!

I realized or learned so much on this trip. The circumstance was sad but the outcome was wonderful. An eye opener on how I need to make changes to some things and make them better and above all live.

Thank You Everyone

For all the kind words on here and by email about my Nana. I know I have been neglecting this blog and I aim to remedy that as soon as I get back from Chicago. Will be leaving Friday morning and getting home late Sunday. Look for regular updates to start after the beginning of the new week. And thank you again your compassion means a lot to me. Keep me and my family in your prayers, especially for my flight (I am not a good flyer lol hitting the bar at 10am woohoo)

My Nana

I received word at 10pm on January 5, 2009 that my Nana had passed away . I am sad, but I know she lived a great life, a life that I only hope I can live. With 4 children, 15 grandchildren and somewhere between 19 and 21 great-grandchildren (I have lost touch with a few cousins, sadly) that woman is loved!!!!. And she remembered every single one of us at every occasion. She was always active, traveling in for weddings and such. Family was always important to her.

I will be traveling back home to Chicago to say goodbye, but she will always be in my heart and I will miss her greatly. I only have one regret, that I didn't get to see her much in the last two years, so please don't let that chance pass you by if you can take it with your own grandparents.

I love you Nana.

Happy 2009

Happy New Year!!!!

I really hope this year is a tad bit better than last year :) This last year me and my family have had to go through losing our home, 2 foot surgeries, major reconstruction surgery on my mouth and a few other minor things, but we are fighters and have pulled through.

This year I am going to be enjoying my children more, as a mom. Homeschooling them I feel sometimes they are just seeing me as their nagging teacher and not their mom, a fine line we seem to cross often.

Having the two older kids has been so helpful with the baby but alas, all good things must come to an end, the newness of their baby sister has worn off and they have now entered the "run and hide when baby is awake" phase.

Big A (my middle daughter) wants to go back to public school with all her friends. I will see about that, we will be moving back over to where we were before by October so I may put her back in there, it was a great school system.

Josh is Josh. While he is not your typical teen he has the attitude for it. I look at him sometimes and just shake my head because he never and I mean never thinks he does anything wrong and through the years of trying to show him that he does do wrong, I just don't think he gets it, and sometimes that scares me. He like most teens is counting down the days til he can move out on his own, and I won't lie, sometimes I count them down too :) But I am in no hurry, as I don't quite think he is ready yet.

My brother has seemed to have broken all ties with his family and even though that is his choice something is not sitting well with me about it. But he is an adult and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. His loss...

The Dirty Shirt has been a blessing in disguise for me. It has given me something of my own to do, instead of it always being about everyone else. I have enjoyed it and it has given me so many opportunities to meet wonderful people, work with some great companies, and explore new products. And it's all about me!

Today I am having one of those "Why do I even bother" days. I really try hard not to let things bother me or get me down, but today I have and I don't like the feeling. As I tell my kids I get tired sometimes of being the cheerleader pepping the family up all the time, because if I didn't I don't know who would.

Hubby and I need to get away for more than a few hours and just be. I am trying to plan something like that but we'll see.

On the brighter note, I am looking forward to 2009 and what it will offer me and my family. I hope good things but I will be prepared to pull on my cheer leading skirt if not :)

I wish you and your family and year of health, happiness and prosperity in 2009!!!!!!