Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Must Find The Switch.....

to turn my mind off at night!!!!!!

I am the type of person that needs to go to bed about 2 hours before I will fall asleep just so I can run everything down in my mind and turn it off. I had insomnia before Little A was born, her not sleeping through the night for the last 13 months hasn’t helped (and pray for me please tonight is the first night with no formula lol) and I feel it coming back on.

Last night was no different. Went upstairs at 8:30 to just catch up on some tv and relax (baby was sleeping at this time) My son comes in at 9:15 to say good night and says the following in a small conversation with me. "My girlfriend", (a big ugh on that one) "can’t wait to move out of her house. She can’t stand her mom." (What????? Is it possible that my girls will grow to hate me?!?) I say "She isn’t moving in with us, that’s for sure." He says, "Oh I know we will be moving out when I am 18 so we can have our own place. I want to be able to party." At this point I can feel my heart beating in my chest and my blood starting to boil. I try to calmly say "You can’t be looking forward to partying, you are too young to do that." Meanwhile pictures of horrible things happening start playing through my mind (I am also a paranoid mom lol) He then says, "Don’t worry I have no interest in drinking I will probably smoke though." Now he tells me this as he is leaving my room.

When he closes the door tears well up in my eyes. See I am having one hell of a hard time letting go. I have slowly started trying, but man I never thought it would be this hard. And of course he left me (and my mind) with 5,000 new things to think about, which allowed me to go to sleep at 2am, just in time for the baby to wake up. UGH!!!!!!

I have got to figure out a way to just stop worrying and let go. I need to find a way to get sleep. I look like the walking dead. Massive black bags under my eyes. LOL So fun!!!!

No comments: